|Aliases||Mash, The Rock|
|Position||Right Back (as in go right back where you came from|
Mash is not an easy man to miss in part due to his 6
foot 5 frame and in part due to his fondness of badgers. As a manchild aged 8 he
developed his first passion, basketball. He found that he could tower above
every other player in the Guernsey leagues and played every evening and avidly
collected all the cigarette cards of famous players. This meant that to collect
all the players in the NBA Mash began a 20 a day habit, something that he keeps
up to this day. He left basketball a broken man after finding out that Dennis
Rodman was dating Madonna and did not, in fact, love him as he had always
This turned Mash to hockey. He began at school and won his first General's (the breeding ground for all quality Colombian talent) cap at the age of 17. He was a stalwart of their defence until he was poached by Colombians pimp, Phil Radford. He soon adopted the nickname 'The Rock'. This was not because of his fondness for the movie with Sean Connery but because of his lack of movement on the pitch and the barnacles on his arse from too much sailing.
He has a specially adopted dingy mast that he uses as a stick which when combined with his albatross-esque wingspan makes for a formidable reach. Great dancer, shocking footballer.
Mash is a man who can claim to get anything for you at a cut down price, delivery times do however vary, and are usually slightly longer than the standard 28 days. It is still unclear as to whether Mash's dodgy business dealings are related to his ever more frequent visits to the Guernsey courthouse. Mash is now averaging three summonses a week and is rumoured to have hired a full time brief!